Facebook is a Foreign Country

                                                

Facebook is a foreign country – you don’t know any of the locals, you don’t speak the language and you don’t know the customs. Did you remember to pack your sunscreen? Are you wearing the right clothes? Casual or formal? Jeans or Dress? Is there an “after five” option? 

When you first arrive, worn down by years of friends wanting you to come, like it’s a trip to the Maldives or Ibiza or the South of France, you take a look around and wonder what you’ve gotten yourself into. You’ve finally taken the plunge. Did you get on the wrong bus or train or something? Nothing seems familiar. Was that the 5.47 or the 6.30 that you were supposed to be on? Who knows because you can’t read the signs, they’re in a language you’ve never seen – what’s that widget, thingamajig, whatchamacallit?

There’s a bewildering set of rules and regulations and you’re worried that your visa might be revoked if you contravene any of these. It’s heady stuff. Especially for a Facebook Virgin

You decide to dive in anyway. You follow someone new and fascinating but the path is long and rocky and seems to be going nowhere - you don’t know what to do, but then suddenly you discover you can “Unfollow” them – genius! Problem solved!

You’re scared to say too much as you sure as hell don’t want to offend any of the residents. What’s the right way to behave? How much to expose? What to say? Whom to say it to? And if you befriend someone, does that mean you have to contend with their whole tribe? Could you be biting off more than you can chew?

The powers that be want to know all about you, but you don’t know anything about them.

The first hostel you booked has fleas so you have to move to another one. You’re hoping at least that this one will have hot running water and a working shower. Mind you, at these prices, who can complain?

Things seem to be going well, when suddenly you encounter a bump in the road. Someone has commented negatively on something you’ve said. Have you got travel insurance? And what does it cover you for? Full Comprehensive or just Third Party Liability? Hard to tell, because the policy seemed to contain all sorts of intricate clauses and sub-clauses you couldn’t understand when you embarked on this journey. You thought you were doing the right thing and your travel agent assured you all would be well. Did you have your anti-sensitive vaccination?

In most countries there’s usually a period of residence required before you can claim full citizenship, but here, it’s automatic, and that may be a good thing or a bad thing. You’d better make sure it’s what you want before you commit.

Finally, just remember to treat everyone the way you would like to be treated and give way to the right or left, as the case may be, never forgetting that the pen is mightier than the sword!

Just remember what you learned in Kindergarten, play nice, share and don’t swear!